Yearning for Learning

So one of the things I've learned in my life is: no matter how nice you are to people, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll be nice back. I used to live my life believing that if I was nice to people then everything would work out in the end. I was so wrong. I see it now more than ever. I've been taken advantage of so many times. At the time I brushed it off. I thought, oh they weren't taking advantage of me on purpose. I'm overreacting. But I was wrong. I was lying to myself because I didn't want to think of the possibility that they were only pretending to be my friends. Now I realize that they really were using me. They were pretending to be my friends when I was around, but when I left they would make fun of me.

It's made me cynical. I don't really trust people when they tell me things anymore. I don't let people see the whole me because I'm afraid of what they'll do with it. Now I put my faith in God alone and hide myself away from the tangible people around me. For better or for worse, I'm too afraid to tell you the real reason that I cry every night. I just don't believe that you'll take that well. You'll take it and then step on it hard...and leave me in a place where I'm worse off instead of feeling a weight lifted. But who needs friends anyway?