Why am I doing this?

I bet some of you are wondering that. "Why is she complaining so much like we actually care?"

truth? It's more for my benefit than for yours. I never really complain. I just do what people tell me to and bury it all deep inside. I used to think that was natural...but I don't think it is. I think it's turning me into someone I don't want to be. And it's worse than that cuz it's starting in my heart and working its way out. I guess I just want to be clean. I know God sees me as clean now that I have accepted, but I want to be able to see myself as clean too.

This is like my metaphorical shower. Like one of those showers they give you in quarantine. After this I'm just going to be a raw, pink pile of flesh. There won't be any more bacteria or anything left on me. And then maybe I can start figuring out who I really am.