The beginning

I guess my story starts off with a boy, as all juicy stories about teenage girls do. I had a story before this boy, but this boy made everything much more interesting. In 8th grade I was dating a boy whose name I won't mention. He was an amazing boy though. Horrible boyfriend...I'm pretty sure he doesnt have a romantic bone in his body. He isn't really what most girls would find attractive, but he has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Suffice to say, I fell. I fell so deep that I'm still trying to get out of this hole. For that's what it was, you see. A hole. A trap for me to fall into when I was so caught up in his eyes that I forgot to look where I was walking. I stayed in that trance for three years. He used those eyes and Jedi mind tricks, so I would have no idea that I was secretly in a deep hole of self loathing. I never ate, I rarely slept. All I could think about was him. What was he doing? Was he thinking of me too? Was he wondering what I was doing? Thinking of my obsession still makes me sick. However, if you had asked me then if I was in love with him, I would've firmly replied no. Well, I would've yelled it from the depths of my hole, that is.

When we broke up freshman year, I realized that I did love him. I loved him more than I ever thought possible, and it hurt. It still hurts to this day and it's been about 2 years since then. Hearing his name, even if the speaker isn't talking about him, makes my heart wrench with sorrow and my eyes well with tears. I know, I sound like this lovesick, sorry excuse for a human being, but this is my blog. And in my blog, I can whine and be self centered as much as I want. So, I guess that's a big chunk of my life that's all over the internet now...Enjoy it :)